So Heidi and Jordan are splitsville, Lauren is still putting up with J-dog and looking for a summer house. Let’s see what the big cliffhanger will be. Jason acts like getting this summer house is some kind of proposal, Lauren plays weepy dog and accepts.

Teen Vogue with Cruella DeLisa giving the girls directions. Lauren is in charge of dealing with a Amy Astley, Editor in Chief of Teen Vogue, tickets to a fashion show. At Bolthouse, Brent invites Heidi to go to the same show, just in case Lauren needs to be embarrassed.

Lauren meets the infamous Amy and is put on dealing with getting two more tickets to a sold out show. Her plan is to just buy some tickets, she gets the shove off from the publicity person. Then, Lauren spots Heidi and Audrina, wouldn’t it be nice if they helped their pal out and gave up their tickets? Not going to happen. Heidi is way too selfish for that kind of offer. Lauren finally gets the names from Lisa and the PR fashionista begrudgingly gives her the tickets.

Gratuitous shot of Jack Nicholson at the fashion show.

Back at the bad lighting offices of Teen Vogue. Lauren gets called into Lisa’s office, could she be in trouble again? As it turns out Amy “big cheese” Astley liked Lauren. Big news, they offer Lauren an internship in Paris for the summer!! Wow, wow, Lauren!! Jump on this huge opportunity. I can see Lauren is debating because of this dumb beach house gig with J-dog. Whitney tries to persuade her to give up on stupid Jason. She is clearly appalled that Lauren is even considering not going. I agree with that sentiment. Long good-bye for the gals.

Chateux Over Privilege and Heidi arrives home to hear the big news from Lauren about Paris. Even dumb Heidi is amazed at the great opportunity. However, she does bring up poor Jason’s feelings, stupid girls. If Jason was in any way reasonable he would encourage Lauren to go to Paris, no chance that will happen.

At Casa Over Privilege (the beach house) Jason is all excited about the summer. Lauren tells him about the internship. Jason is clearly angry, what a big, huge, jerk he is. The fact that he is not encouraging and enthusiastic is reason enough for her to dump him, right then and there. She’s not going to go, I just know it and I hate it. He is not even cute, ugh.

Bikini shots with Heidi and Audrina discussing how over Jordan she is, good for her at least. Lauren looks like she is dressed for a flight to Paris, maybe I was wrong. Hugs good bye between Lauren and Heidi. Isn’t she just going for the summer? All this drama is crazy. Pink suitcase in hand, where is Lauren headed….LA Airport, I am seriously overjoyed. Lisa is waiting there for her, looking a little angry that Lauren is late. Uh oh, cut to Jason, please tell me she is not going to that beach house.

Crap! She is going to the beach house! Mark that on your list of bad decisions Lauren. Hey, hey, Whitney shows up at the airport, good for her! Lauren skipped Paris to look at the sunset with dumb old Jason, I really need to go and puke right this moment.

That’s it? I swear this episode was only like 15 minutes long. they’ll break up before summer is out. I can’t believe she gave up Paris, I hate dumb girls.

So as it turned out Jason could just be with Lauren on her birthday, whether he liked it or not remains to be seen. This episode opens with a montage of all of the Heidi & Jordan fighting, I think there is some foreshadowing going on. First scene and Audrina and Heidi are discussing Jordan and how the relationship makes Heidi feel less independent. I find it hard to believe that she was so independent prior to him. She basically says she is ready to dump him because he is a nasty boy and she wants her independence. Please let one female at Chateux Over Privilege have a spine.

Doorbell at Audrina’s and she opens the door to a phone fight between Heidi and Jordan. Heidi starts crying, I gotta say this crying jag Heidi is on is pretty fakey. She keeps saying he curses at her and talks nasty to her. She deserves to be treated like a princess and be with someone who loves her soooo much. Chickadee knows very little about love. Audrina tries to give her advice, poor dim witted Audrina, thanks for trying.

Teen Vogue, bad lighting. Whitney is dressed like a slutty librarian. She and Lauren talk about the birthday fun with J-dog. Whitney is impressed that he is acting mature, don’t get used to it Whit.

Enter Jordan to Heidi’s apartment. She decides to have a talk with him about how he talks to her. This argument appears very staged. Jordan refuses to change his ways, blames Heidi’s princess complex. Heidi says let’s go think about it and heads to the bedroom, Jordan goes out for a run and Heidi locks the door behind him, as if she didn’t give him a key two weeks into this relationship.

Jason and Lauren are eating at the outdoor cafe, not that food ever passes their lips. Jason says he wants to get a house at the beach with Lauren this summer. She loves the attention he is giving her. Lap it up Lauren it won’t last long.

Brian and Jordan walk in the park, dressed like complete idiots and doing more fake reality acting. Brian tries to give Jordan some advice for a special date. Jordan does not want to do anything that nice for Heidi.

Lauren and Heidi are discussing the Jordan/Heidi debacle. Lauren feigns interest and promises that she and Jason will “be there for her no matter what.” Heidi says she does not know what she thinks, I bet she feels this way a lot-because she is so dumb.

I guess Heidi has decided to cut the cord, she has piles of stuff packed up that I assume are Jordan’s leave-behinds. She is on the phone with her Mom and taking down all their pictures from her bedroom walls, how metaphoric. Jordan comes in the room. Tearful words are spoken and longing looks. They are just sooo in love with each other, I find all of this a little hard to swallow. Break up is imminent. Heidi holds her ground and I for once am proud of her. My girl even removes her key from his keyring, wow that’s permanent. Heidi snuggles with Lauren on the couch.

Can I just say that this is all very sad, but what I really noticed is how gross and dirty Lauren and Heidi’s apartment is? Ewww.

Next scene at the even grosser Jordan and Brian’s apartment. J-dog is in attendance for the post-break up discussion. The boys can’t believe they broke up. I guess Jordan and Heidi were their relationship moguls. No wonder all these cats are so screwed up, don’t look to these knob heads for advice.

At Teen Vogue, Whitney goes from slutty librarian to slutty jock girl and she and Lauren discuss the break up. Lauren tells Heidi that she and Jason are looking at summer beach houses. Whitney tells Lauren that she feels like she has to work…maybe Lauren should think about that kind of dedication, not likely.

At Quixote studios less pretty Heidi and dim Audrina talk about how sad Heidi is, but quickly shift to looking forward to going out and partying like they did pre-Jordan. Heidi is back on the market..woo woo.

After the rocky New Year’s celebration, Lauren is looking forward to her 20th birthday. Whitney, Lauren, and Audrina join her on a birthday dress shopping day. Their first stop is a wedding dress store? Whatever, I guess that could be fun. Apparently Jason is planning Lauren’s birthday, I’m sure he will find a way to ruin it.

Back at Teen Vogue Lauren and Whitney are in Cruella DeLisa’s office talking about a casting call for male models. This makes the girls snicker unprofessionally. Why is Lisa always giving the girls their instructions? Doesn’t she have an assistant for that?

At Bolthouse, Brent calls Heidi in to tell her to invite her friends to a club that night. Again, shouldn’t he have an assistant to do that for him?

Whitney and Lauren plan the model shoot. Incidentally it is being held at Quixote Studios where Audrina works, the circle is complete.

At the big Bolthouse night out, Lauren lies to Jason about the gender of the models at her casting. He is already getting all crazy jealous, even though she said it was all girls. When Lauren tells Heidi about the lie, Heidi smiles over how mad Jason will get over this. It is not funny girls, this guy is a total psycho!

Whitney and Lauren play around the studio getting ready for the casting. Gratuitous shots of near naked male models. Whitney tries to hide her stares at the hot boys, this is the closest to bad girl I think she gets. They show an interview with one model who has bad skin, icky. Audrina invites one of the models out with them that night…uh oh bad choice Audrina!!! Danger, danger Lauren! Whitney flirts shamelessly.

Dinner with the girls at Bella, no relation to Heidi’s dog. Audrina spots her model man and his Eskimo-like friend. The boys join the girls at their table. This would soo make J-dog crazy with jealousy.

At Jordan and Brian’s apartment they boys enjoy some Gatorade. Jordan lets the male model cat out of the bag to Jason. Jason silently and angrily leaves the room, nervous looks abound. Next shot, Jordan and Heidi are doing laundry and Heidi berates him for telling Jason about the male models. Jordan says who cares because the Lauren/Jason relationship is messed up and immature as if he and Heidi’s is any better. Everyone knows what is coming for Lauren, poor gal.

Lauren and Whitney are moving some Vogue equipment around, and Lauren gets the text that Jordan told Jason. Lauren makes excuses for his irrational behavior. Whitney says Jason needs to get over this, “trust ish”, I guess she is making up her own slang now. Jason phones and calls her a liar, then he claims that he does not care. Surprise all around, I think this is a trick.

Chateux Over Privilege, Lauren gets flowers from Jason with a mysterious note that she should be ready at five and pack a shack sak. Wow, it seems that our little Jason has actually planned a romantic evening, flowers, candles, dinner, hotel…what a guy, I’m sure he will screw this up. Of course, he does not have anything planned for the evening and Lauren is indifferent. Jason, as one would expect, wants to go out rather than staying in with Lauren. She acts spineless for a while, but finally tells him that she just wants to hang out at the hotel with him. Jason can not get his big dumb head around this concept. He practices his bored look until the credits come up.

I’m shocked that he did not go into full out control freak, psycho boyfriend mode. I wonder how long this new leaf will last.

I guess Lauren and Jason are together as are Heidi and Jordan, these gals should know better than to put up with psycho jealous boys. The episode opens with Lauren & Jordan shopping for a gift, presumably for Jason. Of course, Lauren is going way overboard with diamond laden dog tags, rich kids are crazy!

The gang is buying a giant Christmas tree. Lauren says this is the first time she is going to decorate a tree because at home the kids are not allowed, I’m sure they hire someone for that. Heidi says sat her house someone always cries, over gifts they did not get. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled.

Lunch at the noisy restaurant, inside this time though. the girls order lunch, that I bet they won’t eat. Christmas talk, Lauren wants a Chanel bag and Heidi wants a puppy. As if she can take care of another living thing. Fun shots of the two couples filled with Christmas spirit, cue the romance music. I really can’t imagine what these girls see in these loser boys.

Present time back at Chateux Over Privilege. J-Dog opens the gross but expensive dog tags. Jordan receives a bracelet from Heidi and a tattoo from Lauren and Jason. Heidi gets…a stuffed dog? Cheapskate, she is clearly disappointed. Lauren gets her Chanel bag and acts all cutesy about it. Of course, Jordan pulls out one last box with a fluffy little puppy in it for Heidi. The dog is so adorable it makes Heidi look a little less less-pretty. She names it Bella, my new favorite Hills character.

Moving on to New Years and the girls are at the hair salon. Jason is sending Lauren psycho text messages…run away sweet Lauren. Cut to Jason and Jordan working out, I guess you can call it that. Jealous Jason is complaining about another guy, David, calling Lauren. Get a life J-dog. Lauren back at the salon takes another call from him and apologizes for nothing, he hangs up on her. She explains the phone call debacle to the hairstylists and claims that she is not going to apologize, except she just did.

The guys are dressed like idiots for New Years and are acting like they are already drunk. The girls look hot. They all arrive at a super cool New Year’s bash. Everyone mac’s for awhile. Jason ruins it by bringing up Lauren’s friend and then acting all mischievous about their future, he is sooooo manipulative. Finally, Lauren calls him on his wicked game and they begin to argue. She defends her actions, he continues to act like a big jerk. She apologizes, he blames her, she leaves the club with what appears to be some assistance from a bouncer. Jason is a complete ass. Heidi gets in the cab and leaves with Lauren. Thanks for being a good friend Heidi, you owe it to her. Jason starts the psycho phone calls and Lauren hangs up on him. She is finally developing a spine!!

Jason gets some relationship advice from Jordan, not the best choice there buddy. Jordan is a jealous butt too. The guys take off after the girls with a bunch of flowers bought on the street. Who are the other guys in the limo with Jason and Jordan??? Jason calls Lauren and asks her to go downstairs to the garage, he even says, “if you love me you’ll come down.” AND SHE DOES!!! Sooo spineless!! Everyone kisses and makes up as the clock strikes 12. I’m physically ill.

It seemed last episode that things between Lauren and Jason are over, I hope so. Opening shot of the girls at a noisy outdoor cafe discussing celebrating Heidi’s upcoming six month anniversary with Jordan. Lauren said that in high school the good girls gave it up at six months, my guess is Heidi gave it up at six minutes.

Uh oh Heid gets called into the bosses’ office. Brent does not look happy, but he never really does. Surprise! Brent tells Heidi he wants to integrate her into working in the clubs, she is very happy. I don’t know how she pulled this one off. Oops, this Wednesday is the big anniversary-Heidi is even more pissed than Lauren was about J-dog’s birthday.

Speaking of J-loser. He stalks Lauren outside of fashion school and approaches her about what her problem was on his birthday. He makes excuses for his jerk-like behavior. Lauren forgives him, she is a spineless jellyfish and I hate it. Teen Vogue meeting, Whitney is looking all around, for Lauren who is absent. I guess it is excused, some test deal but she will be there for the big fashion show. Back at school Lauren smacks her gum while she takes the fashion quiz and simultaneously watches the clock.

On the way out of school Whitney calls Lauren to tell her about the big DKNY fashion show and scare her about the workload. At Bolthouse Heidi gets called into no name lady from the last episode and tries to get out of working on Wednesday. No dice. To add insult to injury she will not be allowed in the club during the event.

Oh and JerkJason spent the night with Lauren, there was a gratuitous shot of that. Jason drops her off to work, but I guess she is a little late and Whitney is all jammed up. Lauren gets reprimanded for being late by another Voguester, she deserved it but acts like she didn’t.

At Chateux Over Privilege Heidi tells Lauren that she invited Jordan to the club that she is not allowed to go inside tonight, I see trouble up ahead. Lauren thinks she is being put under a microscope for being “only like” five minutes late.

At the fashion show Whitney got the most important job, because Lauren is a slacker. Some dumb model is late and Whitney is chosen as the replacement, poor Lauren and the bad vogue lighting.

Heidi receives a gift from Jordan, earrings, what a lucky girl. They make out a little, six months is Heidi’s longest relationship, shocking

Fashion show, Lauren wrestles with a headset while Whitney gets too sexy for the catwalk.

Cut to club time, lets see how badly Heidi screws this up. First she kisses Jordan hello, not very professional. As expected Heidi heads into the club and plops a squat with Jordan. Some ex-date of Heidi’s shows up, I’m sure jealous Jordan can’t handle it. Yep, he’s angry and they argue, she’s totally clueless. She sneaks back outside to “work.” Brian and Jordan are jealous jerks. Outside Heidi goes out and gossips with the gals from Bolthouse.

Whitney struts her stuff at the DKNY Jeans fashion show. She does not fall, too bad for me. Cruella DeLove is so impressed with her as always. Everyone gushes, Lauren is a little green with jealousy.

Heidi and Jordan argue some more. This guy is a huge loser and Heidi would be a smarter girl if she jumped his overbearing jealous butt. I hope they break up.

Apparently Jason and Lauren are full out back together. She is shopping for golf clubs for him for his birthday. Yeah, golf clubs are an incredibly expensive gift Lauren, what are you thinking crazy girl? I guess mommy & daddy are buying.

Teen Vogue and Whitney and Lauren are having a shallow conversation about jeans. Enter Gloria, the fashion director, to tell Lauren how much she needs her for a big fashion shoot. Lauren tries to hide her stress over missing her plans with the J-man for his birthday, also Wednesday. Poor Lauren.

Gratuitous bikini scene. Audrina has a new date, some model…yuck. Audrina and Brian apparently did not hook up too much during the night cap. She and Heidi plan a signal to report on the date.

Back in the apartment, Jason just walks in or has a key or something, that’s weird. Lauren tells Jason that she has to work on his birthday. He acts all disappointed, yeah Lauren should dump him right now.

Audrina’s big date. Why is everyone so shocked that she has a job? I think this guy’s name is David, he’s a huge douchebag and he is wearing a dumb t-shirt for their date. During dinner he actually checks his messages, he says it is his agent, what a loser. This guy is a joke, like a caricature of the worst date ever. Phone call from Heidi, in secret code Audrina tells her that he is a douche. Audrina wants to shove his fork down his throat, me too.

The whole gang meets up at some restaurant, Brian joins them, then Audrina. They immediately talk about her date. Audrina seems on the fence about him, weird since he is clearly an idiot.

Teen Vogue photo shoot, Lauren starts arranging shoes. I think Goyle from HGTV’s Design Star was combing someone’s hair, what’s up with that?

Golf with Jason, Jordan, and Brian. Jason discovers the golf clubs. He calls to thank her, what a guy. Back at the shoot Lauren watches the clock and starts asking people how long they will be there. She complains to some model about missing J-dog’s birthday. He does not seem very upset at the golf course. Lauren gets more and more jammed up about being late and works feverishly. Lauren skips the learning experience of the beach shoot, dumb move.

Ok, finally time for the big birthday. Lauren and Jason take off. Jason tells Lauren she seemed excited to see him, maybe she should play hard to get. Jason says that after dinner if she wants to go home she can take his car, uh yeah, he’s a big jerk. Lauren agrees to go out if he wants to.

Dinner with all the cool LA friends. Pretty big crowd, Jason is being sweet to Lauren. Audrina admits that she used to work at Hooters, that is classic. Jason wanders off…maybe for a pee break? He returns and sits at the other end of the table. Lauren is clearly hurt and angry. Poor Lauren looks like she is going to cry. He says he is just being social, I doubt it. Sad looks pass between Lauren and Heidi.

Lauren decides not to go out with Jason after dinner. She tells him she is not going to fight with him on his birthday, bu then does anyway. He walks off and gets in the car with some hot chick and some other guy.

I guess we could have made the call that Jason would turn out to be the baron of jerkiness, but you have to feel bad for Lauren. Even if she should have known better.

We open with Lauren asking less pretty Heidi for medical advice on hiccups, as if. Lauren gets a giant floral arrangement delivered to her from Jason. I’m all for a girl getting flowers, but the deal he sent her was huge, more like a “Congrats on your new Massage Parlour Opening” than a declaration of love. Lauren always looks bad at the Teen Vogue offices, have I mentioned that it is like the Seinfeld episode where the girl only looks pretty in the diner? Weird.

Cut to Heidi doing grunt work at Bolthouse. She gets piles of unglamorous work dumped on her, I love it. Lauren dodges another phone call from Jason, who asks her on a date. This should be fun. Apparently she gave in and they meet for dinner at an awkwardly romantic restaurant. Jason is not so good at the emotion expression, he stumbles through telling her he still cares about her. He actually said he was waiting for her to “calm down”, yeah that’s not a great thing to say to a girl. They stare longingly at one another…puke puke.

Brent Bolthouse decides to leave Heidi home from a cool Vegas weekend at the Palms because she is not 21, that is awesome. She is soo pissed I love it. Maybe he would have gotten her a fake ID if she were prettier.

Jason brings Lauren flowers at work. Lauren has to ask for a lunch break??? Did she just start yesterday? Whitney seems a little jealous of the love Lauren is being bestowed. Lunch is at a picturesque outdoor cafe overlooking an incredibly busy street. The awkwardness is wearing off, they’ll be back together in the next segment. More longing stares. Jason picks up the tab and begs for another date.

Heidi is back at work, whining about not getting to go to events and do cool stuff. She complains to someone named Elodie, one of the weirdest names I have ever heard, locked in the bathroom. She gives Heidi the pay your dues speech, Heidi is unconvinced.

Back with ugly Lauren at Teen Vogue. She and Whitney discuss she and Jason’s relationship, Lauren is soo giving him another chance. I guess it is worth it since he still liked her after seeing her in the horrible Vogue lighting.

Pool time with Heidi and Lauren and the Sidekick. Heidi seems genuinely concerned about Lauren hooking back up with Jason. It’s nice to see a less annoying Heidi. Back at Bolthouse with Heidi and her busy work. Brent asks her to order him lunch, just what she thought she would be doing when she quit fashion school no doubt. Let’s see if she got it right. Nope, she forgot the green drink. Her co-worker seems overjoyed at her failure. Phone call to Jordan and she is planning to quit, that Heidi…what an idiot.

Lauren and Jason go to the movies, no making out yet but I’m sure it is coming. The theater is empty, longing stares int he movie glow. Hugs goodbye lead to smacking, I totally called that!

I wonder if Heidi can make it through another day at work? If Lauren and Jason can make it through another episode???

We open with awkwardness at Chateux Over Privilege as Lauren gets ready for work and Heidi fantasizes about her dream job. She lives in lala land. Lauren complains about homework and less pretty Heidi worries about clothes, how appropriate.

At Teen Vogue Lauren gets called to Blaine’s office. Blaine is not so good at the reality show acting. He tells Lauren she has to deliver a dress to New York City Fashion Week. He tells her this as if she is being airlifted into a third world country with bags of rice. Lauren goes home to pack for the mission.

Cut to Audrina who gets a visit from Brian, she gives him a tour. Apparently, as a receptionist she can do whatever she wants. Lauren goes back home and tells Heidi about her NYC adventure. Heidi gives Lauren advice on what to where to the fashion show. I guess less pretty Heidi has lots of experience with this, clearly she is a fashion icon.

Gratuitous bikini scene with Audrina and Heidi. Audrina completely gets why Heidi quit school, she did it too. Audrina is the nice but dim girl on this show. Heidi is the not so nice and dumb girl, just so you know.

Lauren sleeps on the plane and actually takes Heidi’s advice and changes her clothes in the bathroom at the airport. Does anyone else think this is a little bit nutso? She is just the delivery girl.

Oooh, Heidi’s first day of work, I am sure it will be a disaster. I love that Heidi says she is so nervous, and Brent does not say, “oh don’t be nervous” he just ignores the comment. Heidi is shocked to learn the job is full time, oh the humanity. First task: stuffing envelopes. Bet old Heidi is loving this job.

Back in NYC Heidi delivers the garment and is told to return to LA that same night, awesome. Cue the sad music.

Bolthouse and Heidi is already whining to Lauren about her job. She’s so incredibly clueless. Lauren worries about the demands of Teen Vogue and school, is this foreshadowing for her to drop out too???

Heidi goes in to complain to Brent Bolthouse about working full time. She acts like a five year old. Some lady is in the office with him who looks like she is doing all she can not to punch Heidi in the face. Brent is clearly annoyed, he and no name lady share a look that says, “this chick is trouble, this is soo not worth the PR of being on MTV.”

Audrina and Brian are out on a date, he orders a girl drink. I kind of like Brian he is very complimentary and unassuming. Audrina wants to quit her job and work part time, take acting classes, like about a million other gals in LA. Audrina invites him in for a nightcap…hmmm.

Heidi and Jordan awake from their slumber, she is eating in bed again, gross. Jordan tells her to quit her job so she can lay in bed with him all day, smart move Heid. She does go to work. She is assigned the very glamorous job of getting Brent lunch.

Lauren arrives back at the apartment, looking haggard from her travels. Uh oh, phone call from the ex Jason who has moved to LA too. Fun times. Heidi Schedules her time into the computer, I don’t know why this is so important. Deep thoughts over the phone message with Lauren.

To recap, Lauren got a cool job a Teen Vogue last episode. She had to work at one of their parties and less-pretty Heidi weasled her way in, caused a scene and got Lauren in trouble. How forgiving Lauren will be and how big the trouble is remains to be seen.

We open with Lauren and Heidi discussing clothes (shocking) at over privileged girl chateaux (aka their apartment). Lauren complains to Heidi about getting scolded at the Teen Vogue party, Heidi sort of agrees not to cause any more trouble. Cool intro music.

Whitney, looking much cooler than her first day at Teen Vogue, and Lauren discuss the party debacle. Whitney calls Heidi irresponsible…ya think?

Jordan and Brian play basketball and talk about sex and threesomes. This conversation is really contrived, they need better actors for the boyfriend parts.

Back at work Heidi gets called in to see Cruella DeLisa Love. She is very unhappy about Heidi’s drunken behavior. Lauren claims she has no idea who let them in, as if. Cruella DeLisa tells her to behave. This was not as bad as I expected. Whitney and Lauren discuss it as if it was more scary than it was, the are sooo relieved to still have jobs.

Cut to Heidi sitting by the pool, apparently all she ever does. She makes plans with Audrina, who actually has a job, to go out that evening, I’m sure she will find someone other than Jordan to hook up with. The gang feigns fun at the club. Brian talks about his new acting gig and flirts with Audrina. Heidi disappears. Somehow she got an interview with some guy who owns Bolthouse, a party planning guy. I wonder how many sexual favors she had to do to get that interview.

Lauren laments Heidi’s plan to stay out until close on a school night…ooooh bad girl. First day of school, Heidi is planning to skip class-good plan less pretty friend.

Cut to Brian and Jordan’s gross apartment. Brian wants to hang out with Audrina. Jordan makes arrangements with Heidi who calls Audrina and tells her. Audrina plays coy, as if she’s a little less slutty than Heidi.

Lauren and Heidi hang out in the ultra cool lounge at fashion school. Heidi is playing solitaire and has missed her first Art class. She calls Art, “really lame”-I think she may have enrolled at the wrong school.

Heidi and Jordan meet at a cafe and don’t eat anything. Heidi says she hates school and it is not for her. Jordan tells her to quit, what a great influence this douche is.

Back at over privilege villas Heidi tells Lauren that if she gets the job at Bolthouse she is going to quit school. This stresses Lauren out. Heidi is a big dumbhead. She is eating toast in bed, gross.

Whitney and Lauren are at work. They both look like crap. Frizzy hair, no lipstick, they look tired. I guess they don’t get fashion advice when Cruella DeLisa is out of town. Lauren and Whitney make fun of Heidi’s cluelessness.

Interview time for Heidi with Brent Bolthouse. Heidi gives one textbook answer to Brent. Then he said he hates drama, Heidi tries to agree, we all know she loves it. Heidi gets the job, Lauren pretends to be excited. She makes fun of her for being excited about a lunch break and then hangs up on Heidi and breaks into a chorus of Fashion School drop out. Who thinks this might be the worst decision Heidi has ever made? Who thinks she will screw it up big time by letting that doofus boyfriend of hers into an event. I do, I do, I do!!

Welcome to the premiere episode of The Hills. Our reality star Lauren has left Laguna Beach for Hollywood to go to fashion school. Lauren is rooming with her best-but-less-pretty friend Heidi. I love the theme song, I can already tell it is going to be in my head for days…”the rest is still unwritten…” Catchy! Lauren arrives at what I can only assume is her new digs in her convertible, with her suitcases sticking out of the back. She walks away to the pool to see Heidi, as if no one would ever think to steal her bags. The girls mosey up to the apartment, complete with a spiral staircase, very cute. How is it that Lauren has never seen her apartment before, who does that? Lauren’s ring tone is an old school Journey song, how funny is that! Uh oh, it is Teen Vogue calling and wanting Lauren to go to her interview pronto, nervousness abounds. Lauren uses her flat iron on her skirt, been there done that.

Of course she gets to the interview looking completely put together. This is all very Devil Wears Prada, complete with a seemingly bitchy boss. Lauren is not the best interviewee, she uses the word like way too much. Not that it matters, I’m sure MTV got her this job long before the interview.

Back at the apartment, Heidi is laying by the pool with the new friend Audrina, they are all going to be best pals. First evening out with the gals and their boys. Heidi (who is a little trashy) is all over her boyfriend Jordan. They complain about working and talk about how much they party, I’m so impressed, not. These boys are douchebags.

Lauren and Heidi are at fashion school meeting with the director of admissions. Lauren talks to her intelligently, she comes off as very driven and committed to school. Heidi is up next, she is nothing like Lauren. Trashy, clueless, party girl-that’s how I describe Heidi. I can already see where sparks are going to fly. The director of admissions has that look like she wants to reach across and gauge out Heidi’s eyes for being so dumb. I can understand that feeling.

Back at home with the roomists. Lauren gets the call from some Teen Vogue guy who tricks her into thinking she does not have the job, then (as predicted) offers it to her, whew the suspense on that one was killing me.

First day at Teen Vogue and Lauren scopes out her co-worker Whitney, she is sticky sweet in a weird frilly dress and loud bracelets. The girls get fashion advice from a teen vogue lady who gives Lauren a jacket and Whitney a new belt…that’s weird stuff right there. Off to visit with the boss lady who gives them a stern warning that they are to behave when they are out and about or face the rath of Miss Cruella Deville herself, yikes. Enter editor Nicole with a stack of envelopes for the girls to stuff. Cool Lauren makes a Seinfeld reference that Whitney is clueless to-deduct one point from Whitney.

Back at the pool, Lauren makes it clear to Heidi that she will not sneak her into the cool Teen Vogue party or any other shady business. I think it is unlikely that Heidi will heed Lauren’s warnings.

Party time, minor celebrity appearances. Lauren is assigned guard duty on some benches, fun job. Of course Heidi appears outside wanting to get in. Lauren seemed shocked, I’m shocked that she is talking on her cell phone at work. Lauren folds and sends them to Whitney to get in the door. Whitney agrees, poor choice Whit. Heidi, Jordan, Brian, and Audrina crash the special benches. Heidi and Jordan get into an argument in front of one of the Vogue peeps, Lauren gets bitched at for it. The boss lady catches Lauren sitting down on the job with her pals, she’s in big trouble. She tells the so-called friends to scatter. This is no good, now she and Whitney are in trouble all because of less-pretty Heidi. The wild best friend is always trouble, we’ll see what happens next!