The Hills: Episode Five, Jason’s Birthday

Apparently Jason and Lauren are full out back together. She is shopping for golf clubs for him for his birthday. Yeah, golf clubs are an incredibly expensive gift Lauren, what are you thinking crazy girl? I guess mommy & daddy are buying.

Teen Vogue and Whitney and Lauren are having a shallow conversation about jeans. Enter Gloria, the fashion director, to tell Lauren how much she needs her for a big fashion shoot. Lauren tries to hide her stress over missing her plans with the J-man for his birthday, also Wednesday. Poor Lauren.

Gratuitous bikini scene. Audrina has a new date, some model…yuck. Audrina and Brian apparently did not hook up too much during the night cap. She and Heidi plan a signal to report on the date.

Back in the apartment, Jason just walks in or has a key or something, that’s weird. Lauren tells Jason that she has to work on his birthday. He acts all disappointed, yeah Lauren should dump him right now.

Audrina’s big date. Why is everyone so shocked that she has a job? I think this guy’s name is David, he’s a huge douchebag and he is wearing a dumb t-shirt for their date. During dinner he actually checks his messages, he says it is his agent, what a loser. This guy is a joke, like a caricature of the worst date ever. Phone call from Heidi, in secret code Audrina tells her that he is a douche. Audrina wants to shove his fork down his throat, me too.

The whole gang meets up at some restaurant, Brian joins them, then Audrina. They immediately talk about her date. Audrina seems on the fence about him, weird since he is clearly an idiot.

Teen Vogue photo shoot, Lauren starts arranging shoes. I think Goyle from HGTV’s Design Star was combing someone’s hair, what’s up with that?

Golf with Jason, Jordan, and Brian. Jason discovers the golf clubs. He calls to thank her, what a guy. Back at the shoot Lauren watches the clock and starts asking people how long they will be there. She complains to some model about missing J-dog’s birthday. He does not seem very upset at the golf course. Lauren gets more and more jammed up about being late and works feverishly. Lauren skips the learning experience of the beach shoot, dumb move.

Ok, finally time for the big birthday. Lauren and Jason take off. Jason tells Lauren she seemed excited to see him, maybe she should play hard to get. Jason says that after dinner if she wants to go home she can take his car, uh yeah, he’s a big jerk. Lauren agrees to go out if he wants to.

Dinner with all the cool LA friends. Pretty big crowd, Jason is being sweet to Lauren. Audrina admits that she used to work at Hooters, that is classic. Jason wanders off…maybe for a pee break? He returns and sits at the other end of the table. Lauren is clearly hurt and angry. Poor Lauren looks like she is going to cry. He says he is just being social, I doubt it. Sad looks pass between Lauren and Heidi.

Lauren decides not to go out with Jason after dinner. She tells him she is not going to fight with him on his birthday, bu then does anyway. He walks off and gets in the car with some hot chick and some other guy.

I guess we could have made the call that Jason would turn out to be the baron of jerkiness, but you have to feel bad for Lauren. Even if she should have known better.