The Hills: Episode Nine, Love Is Not a Maybe Thing

So as it turned out Jason could just be with Lauren on her birthday, whether he liked it or not remains to be seen. This episode opens with a montage of all of the Heidi & Jordan fighting, I think there is some foreshadowing going on. First scene and Audrina and Heidi are discussing Jordan and how the relationship makes Heidi feel less independent. I find it hard to believe that she was so independent prior to him. She basically says she is ready to dump him because he is a nasty boy and she wants her independence. Please let one female at Chateux Over Privilege have a spine.

Doorbell at Audrina’s and she opens the door to a phone fight between Heidi and Jordan. Heidi starts crying, I gotta say this crying jag Heidi is on is pretty fakey. She keeps saying he curses at her and talks nasty to her. She deserves to be treated like a princess and be with someone who loves her soooo much. Chickadee knows very little about love. Audrina tries to give her advice, poor dim witted Audrina, thanks for trying.

Teen Vogue, bad lighting. Whitney is dressed like a slutty librarian. She and Lauren talk about the birthday fun with J-dog. Whitney is impressed that he is acting mature, don’t get used to it Whit.

Enter Jordan to Heidi’s apartment. She decides to have a talk with him about how he talks to her. This argument appears very staged. Jordan refuses to change his ways, blames Heidi’s princess complex. Heidi says let’s go think about it and heads to the bedroom, Jordan goes out for a run and Heidi locks the door behind him, as if she didn’t give him a key two weeks into this relationship.

Jason and Lauren are eating at the outdoor cafe, not that food ever passes their lips. Jason says he wants to get a house at the beach with Lauren this summer. She loves the attention he is giving her. Lap it up Lauren it won’t last long.

Brian and Jordan walk in the park, dressed like complete idiots and doing more fake reality acting. Brian tries to give Jordan some advice for a special date. Jordan does not want to do anything that nice for Heidi.

Lauren and Heidi are discussing the Jordan/Heidi debacle. Lauren feigns interest and promises that she and Jason will “be there for her no matter what.” Heidi says she does not know what she thinks, I bet she feels this way a lot-because she is so dumb.

I guess Heidi has decided to cut the cord, she has piles of stuff packed up that I assume are Jordan’s leave-behinds. She is on the phone with her Mom and taking down all their pictures from her bedroom walls, how metaphoric. Jordan comes in the room. Tearful words are spoken and longing looks. They are just sooo in love with each other, I find all of this a little hard to swallow. Break up is imminent. Heidi holds her ground and I for once am proud of her. My girl even removes her key from his keyring, wow that’s permanent. Heidi snuggles with Lauren on the couch.

Can I just say that this is all very sad, but what I really noticed is how gross and dirty Lauren and Heidi’s apartment is? Ewww.

Next scene at the even grosser Jordan and Brian’s apartment. J-dog is in attendance for the post-break up discussion. The boys can’t believe they broke up. I guess Jordan and Heidi were their relationship moguls. No wonder all these cats are so screwed up, don’t look to these knob heads for advice.

At Teen Vogue, Whitney goes from slutty librarian to slutty jock girl and she and Lauren discuss the break up. Lauren tells Heidi that she and Jason are looking at summer beach houses. Whitney tells Lauren that she feels like she has to work…maybe Lauren should think about that kind of dedication, not likely.

At Quixote studios less pretty Heidi and dim Audrina talk about how sad Heidi is, but quickly shift to looking forward to going out and partying like they did pre-Jordan. Heidi is back on the market..woo woo.